4 Steps to Boosting Your Courage
Tapping into courage is a global human experience. For some, it comes in a moment of asking for a raise, quitting a job, asking a romantic interest out, saying I love you for the first time, or moving away from family and friends. For others, it may look like getting out of bed, saying hello to a neighbor, or asking for help.
No matter how it shows up for you, courage helps us take risks, move forward and take advantage of opportunities as they show up. Ultimately, if you are going to pursue your dreams and create the life you want, you’ll need to learn to step outside your comfort zone. Courage can help make that possible.
STEP ONE: Take a step back from negative self-talk and fear based thoughts
Negative self-talk can be loud and overpowering. After all, your mind has had years of practice to perfect those sneaky messages like, “I know this won’t work”, “when will I learn”, and “I can’t handle this”. Mix in a few fear based thoughts and you’ve got a recipe for paralysis. Suddenly, your mind has convinced you it isn’t possible to create the life you want, so why bother?
Getting out of your head may feel impossible, but it is actually quite simple. Take a step back by connecting with your senses. Close your eyes and take three (or more) deep breaths. Check in with your body, starting with your scalp. Keep moving down until you reach your toes, releasing any tension you may find along the way. Rub a fingertip on your pant leg with total focus on the texture and sensation you feel. Listen for the closest sound you can hear. Then, switch to finding and focusing on the furthest sound.
All of these tactics put a different aspect of self in charge. It overwrites the limiting beliefs and fear based thinking for a moment, allowing you to get grounded and regrouped to look at the situation again with courage, strength, bravery and fierceness. Are body scans and sense focusing not cutting through the noise in your mind? Try something more physical. Put on your favorite song and get up and dance. Do some jumping jacks. Skip around the house – or the block. Sit down at the piano, or pick up your guitar.
Negative self-talk and fear aren’t bad or wrong. They are both part of the human experience and aren’t going anywhere. If we shift how we see fear, it can help us slow down, evaluate risks and create a plan. When we take a step back, we can use it as an opportunity to learn about ourselves and practice courage.
STEP TWO: Connect with what’s on the other side of courage
What is it you truly desire? How would life be different if you were able to tap into your courage and show up fiercely for yourself, those you love and the causes you care about? Getting clear on your “why” can help hold you steadfast and persevere.
Leaving the corporate world to start my coaching business was scary, full of unknowns and possible failure and financial defeat. When all the worse case scenario what-ifs were running the show, it felt overwhelming, impossible and a little irresponsible. However, when I flipped the script and began focusing on WHY I wanted to start a coaching business, I was able to gain access to a more brave part of myself. Directing attention towards my desire to help people access their strength, set my own schedule, and take my job anywhere in the world (among other things) helped me summon the grit and bravery to take action.
Ask yourself, what vision for the future is so compelling that it will rally my fierceness and pull me into action? This is a great journaling exercise. Close your eyes and get connected to all the details. Look around and take note of the who, what, and where. Engage your senses and notice the light, sounds and smells.
STEP THREE: Get comfortable with the unknown
Your brain loves to know what to expect. It loves routine and predictability. As adults, we have patterns and ways of coping with the uncomfortable feeling that comes along with the unknown. We may cling to things, people and routines that bring a sense of comfort and security. We may stop short of taking action (quitting a job, leaving a relationship) out of fear of how it could turn out. During the past 10 months of uncertainty with COVID-19 and the election, you may have gotten an up close and personal look at your almost certain reaction to the unknown. Uncertainty, change and the discomfort that can come with both are a certainty in life. That being said, there is a genuine level of relief that comes along with simply acknowledging that as so.
One exercise I like to take clients through is exploring the worst case scenario. Take a sheet of paper and divide it into 3 columns. Label the first column “worst case scenario”, another “no action”, and the final column “opportunities, new ways of existing”. Think about some decision you are trying to make, or a goal you feel stuck on, etc. Work through the worst case scenario and when you think you’ve hit rock bottom, ask yourself, “and then what?” for one more level of worse. I like to go to the extreme with worst case scenarios. If you aren’t living in a van down by the river, your parents’ basement, or whatever the equivalent is for you, keep digging! In the next column, explore what the likely outcome is if you take absolutely no action on the topic. And, in the last column, ask yourself what lessons you might learn and what opportunities could show up by moving ahead. Sometimes we just need to see our thoughts on paper. While it won’t change our ability to know what the future holds, it can help us know that we can handle whatever comes our way and possibly clarify a path forward.
STEP FOUR: Take action
Courage is not the absence of fear. It is acknowledging fear and moving ahead anyway. Courage is a mental muscle to build. Start with the 3 lb. dumbbell. The more small acts of courage you complete, the easier it will be to take on something bigger.
This is my challenge to you - for the next 5 days, do something a little uncomfortable every day. Pay attention for moments when you feel compelled to act, but hesitate. That’s your chance! Maybe it’s asking the staff member checking you out at the grocery store how his/her/their day is going. Maybe it’s going to the gym. Maybe it’s taking time out for yourself. Maybe it’s researching that class you’ve been thinking about taking. If you want to get real crazy, you could combine steps 3 & 4. Take action trying something new. Again, it doesn’t have to be something huge. Try a new restaurant for takeout or delivery. Take a different route for your daily run. You get the idea.
No matter what small action you complete, always celebrate your forward movement. Notice I didn’t say celebrate your success. Stepping outside your comfort zone, no matter how “small” or what the outcome, should be celebrated. A conscious effort to build this courage muscle will also grow your self-confidence. Keep at it and soon you’ll find yourself headed towards a life that excites and fulfills you.
Ultimately, isn’t that what we’re all seeking? A life where our activities leave us with a sense of fulfillment? A life where we can show up anywhere as ourselves? A life full of laughter and love? You have the courage within you to create it. Don’t doubt it for a second!